Sexual Trauma: When the Silence Begins Before the Assault

Recently, I watched an interview between Dr. Gabor Maté and Mel Robbins that really sat with me. For those unfamiliar, Dr. Maté is a renowned trauma expert and physician known for his work on addiction, childhood development and the mind-body connection. Mel Robbins is a bestselling author and motivational speaker who often shares openly about mental health and personal growth.

In the interview, Mel bravely recounts a story from her childhood - how, when she was in fourth grade, she was sexually assaulted by an older child. It’s obviously heartbreaking. But what struck me most wasn’t just the act itself (although, of course horrific). It was the moment when Dr. Maté gently reflected something back to her: the trauma didn’t begin with the assault. It began with the silence. With the fact that, at such a young age, Mel didn’t feel safe enough to tell her parents.

This shook me. Because this is one of the exact reasons I started this blog.

The Danger of Silence

There is so much shame and secrecy wrapped around sex - especially for young people. We don’t talk about it enough. And when we do, it’s often in euphemisms or uncomfortable jokes. We treat it like something to avoid, rather than something to understand. And that silence creates danger. It leaves children unarmed. It leaves adults confused. It leaves survivors isolated.

Why Safe Spaces Matter

Every person, especially children, deserves a safe space to talk about sex. The good, the bad, the confusing, the beautiful, the uncomfortable. All of it. The more we create open, honest conversations, the more we build a culture of safety, empathy and prevention.

Call It What It Is: Why Language Matters

This also includes something that might seem small but is actually huge: using the correct terms for body parts. I recently heard a story that still sits heavy in my chest. A little girl kept telling her parents that her teacher was touching her "fairy." They thought she meant a toy. They had no idea she was trying to tell them about abuse - because "fairy" was the nickname she'd been taught for her vulva. It took months before they realised the truth.

We need to stop sugarcoating language. We need to give kids the words. Because words are power. Words are protection.

And we need to keep talking. About consent. About bodies. About sex. About trauma. About healing. Because silence, more often than not, is where the damage begins.

Keep the Conversation Going

If you or someone you know is a survivor of sexual abuse, there is help available. You are not alone.

Here are some resources that can offer support.

Please know there is strength in speaking, in sharing, in healing. You deserve safety. You deserve support. You deserve to be heard.

And if this post has stirred something in you - whether it’s a memory, a realisation or a need to talk - please don’t push it down. Reach out. Speak up. Start the conversation you wish you’d had earlier. That’s how we change things. That’s how we protect the next generation.

We can’t undo the past, but we can choose to be braver, louder and more open in the present. For ourselves. For each other. For the kids growing up now who deserve to know their bodies belong to them, and their voices will always be heard.

Let’s keep the conversation going…

For those interested in watching the full interview between Dr. Gabor Maté and Mel Robbins, you can find it here.

Disclaimer: The content on this account is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. Every individual’s journey of self-love, sensuality and intimacy is unique. Always prioritise consent, respect personal boundaries and engage in practices that align with your comfort, values and well-being.